12- Fast Food
Fast food is the meal of choice of uneducated people. With options such as McDonalds, Jack in the Box, and Taco Bell, it is a mystery as to why people choose these uncivilized places over an Asian Fusion restaurant or the hot bar at Whole Foods. In this, they are rejecting foreign culture, progressivism, spirituality, and organic food all in one swoop.
Many factors can contribute to people choosing Fast food, including, but not limited too, living in a Red State, not being sophisticated enough to choose Whole Foods, listening to Rap instead of KCRW, not being educated enough to understand Fast Food Nation, using a PC instead of a Mac, and being too racist to support Barack Obama (which makes you brainwashed enough by the Right Wing to eat fast food).
If you are having a slow conversation with a liberal, progressive person, ask them how they feel about fast food. Their eyes will light up and they will speak about it passionately. This is good because you don’t have to talk anymore, and nodding in agreement will help you gain their trust. If you do decide to speak, one thing to remember is that it is important to quote the book Fast Food Nation as much as you can, as no other book has been this enlightening for progressive people since Memoirs Of A Geisha. If you have not yet read Fast Food Nation, make sure you read it as soon as you can so you can be more sophisticated and aware, and so that you can regurgitate lines out of the book to impress other people. They will be impressed by your intrinsic knowledge of the fact that fast food isn’t good for you, and also that you aware, so you are directly contributing to the end of something bad.
When describing fast food, it is essential to assign negative adjectives to every aspect of the food, to reiterate your progressiveness. You can ABSOLUTELY NOT talk about hamburgers without saying “artery-clogging” each time, and the same goes for “genetically-altered potatoes” for french fries. Also, don’t forget to mention how sugary and poisonous soft drinks are, and how chicken strips are “processed”. This will make everyone feel good that they eat organic food and drinks with all the antioxidants they need to survive.
Other important things to talk about when trying to mesh with intelligent people is the fact that corporations such as McDonalds are evil. Just saying the word “corporation” will make their eyes light up and make them go into a tirade about how they are brainwashing the world and and destroying the environment and using PCs instead of Macs, and promoting the Orwellian spiral society is plummeting into. This is a good opportunity to bring up existentialism, as everyone will cool off and talk in lengths about how they view the concept, and restore good feelings to the conversation.
